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November 4, 2009

Open Mic and Starship Improvise @ Parker's Comedy & Jive

Wednesday the 4th of November, 2009
Parker's Comedy & Jive

Shop 24 (Entrance 1)
Montecasino, Montecasino Boulevard, (Cnr William Nicol and Witkoppen Roads), Fourways, Sandton, Gauteng, South Africa

1st Half:

Think you've got it? Come on down to Parker's if you reckon you can do the business on the stage at Parker's. Five minutes might be all it takes to make you a STAR!! Closing the first half, all the way from the US, Lianna Carrera!

And then in the second half:
The Starship Improvise docks at Parker's to bring you your weekly dose of improvised comedy, made up entirely on the spot with your suggestions.

URL: http://www.parkerscomedy.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=140:september-comedy-line-up&catid=35:stand-up-comedy&Itemid=59
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Chris Forrest (MC), Open Mic and UK Comedian John Gordillo.
2nd Half: Starship Improvise with Monique Nortje, Melt Sieberhagen and Vittorio Leonardi.

Show Starts: 20:30
Entrance Fee: R60

Posted by vittorio at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

November 5, 2009

Stand-up Comedy @ News Cafe, Faerie Glen

Thursday the 5th of November, 2009
News Cafe

The Glen Village North Centre
Corner Hans Strijdom & Olympus Roads, Faerie Glen, Pretoria East

Bookings: (012) 991-1110

URL:
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=news+cafe+faerie+glen&init=quick#/group.php?gid=20182556654&v=wall&ref=search
My Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Vittorio Leonardi (MC), Cyber "The Human Beatbox" and Hannes Brummer.

Show Starts: 20:00
Entrance Fee: FREE! (REMEMBER TO BOOK!!!)

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 6, 2009

Stand-up Comedy @ The Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Friday the 6th of November, 2009
The Supersport Action Bar

Carnival City, Cnr Century and Elsburg Road, Brakpan, Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa, 1540.

Carnival City URL: http://www.suninternational.com/Destinations/Casinos/CarnivalCity/Pages/default.aspx
Telephone: (+27 11) 898 7000
Facsimile: (+27 11) 898 7024

Parker Leisure URL:
http://www.parkerleisure.co.za/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Tony King (MC), John Gordillo, Denton Douglas and Vittorio Leonardi.

Show Starts: 21:00
Entrance Fee: R50 and includes entrance to the dance show at 20:00

Posted by vittorio at 9:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 9, 2009

The Opening Monologue - 06/11/2009

Hello everyone.

As some of you already know, I was involved in a political satire show on SABC 3 called Last Say On Sunday. It aired, up until 3 weeks ago, on SABC3 on Sunday nights at 9pm.

I was the head writer on the show and one of my jobs was to create an opening monologue with the show's host Darren Maule. The opening monologue was a brief round up of the week's past news.

Though the show is now over, I have decided to keep writing the monologue. It keeps me sharp and hopefully helps me exercise some of my funny bones.

So, here it is. The first web installment of The Opening Monologue for the week gone by.

Enjoy.

The Opening Monologue - Friday, 6th of November 2009
Written by Vittorio Leonardi.
Edited by The Last Say On Sunday Writing Team.

Good evening.

The week started off with a bang and hasn't dissipated one bit. The heat is definitely on especially for Glen Agliotti. This week saw his ex fiancé, Dianne Muller take to the stand to give evidence against him. Not sparing the rod on Glen, Miss Muller repeatedly referred to him as a liar. Mr. Agliotti is now learning one of life's most important lessons: Be nice to your ex because one day she may turn States witness. Not wanting to leave anyone out, she also said that Jackie Selebi's denials of payments and receiving of gifts was an outright lie. What is that line about a woman scorned?

It's official. Last week saw Joost Van Der Westhuizen finally admit to what we knew anyway. It was him in a now notorious sex tape originally released by Heat Magazine. His wife, Amor said in a very emotional interview that she didn't know what the future held but said she was going "to give 110 percent of myself to rebuild our relationship". Ever the supportive wife, this means that Joost only has to bring 90% to the relationship to make it work so at least some of the pressure is off him.

Students have once again shown their anger through fire and flame this week when on Tuesday night they went on a rampage through the University of Zululand's campus. A lecture hall was destroyed and the library, computer labs and SRC offices were badly damaged when students stoned the buildings. This is a bit of a turnaround since it's usually the students that get stoned behind the library. This is the first recorded instance of a library getting stoned. Students were heard to be chanting:

"The Hall, the hall, the lecture hall is on fire.
We don't need no degree, let the lecture hall burn.
Burn lecture hall, burn!"

The ANC has scorned calls by Numsa - The National Union of Metalworkers of South Africa - to natiolnalise the wealth of Tokyo Sexwale and Patrice Motsepe after they appeared on a list of SA's 150 richest people. The ANC responded with a line similar to the famous Julius Malema airport quote. They said "What about all the white people?" A valid point since only 20 people on the list are black. Numsa said they don't want to target specific people. They stated that levels of poverty and inequality are now so bad that the state should intervene. Cosatu General Secretary Zwelinzima Vavi distanced his group from the call. This may have something to do with his salary doubling this year.

The Department of Water Affairs has stated that South Africa faces another Eskom if more money is not made available for massive maintenance. Like with Eskom, funds necessary for key repairs have never been properly allotted. Perhaps certain Ministerial vehicles could be recouped to cover the expenses? This does mean we could have happen to our water what happened to our electricity. So if we had load-shedding with Eskom, can we now expect water-shedding or perhaps a drip-out?

The SABC has appointed a task force to review legislation that would see the end of TV license fees. The public broadcaster has suggested a 1% levy on all viewers to cover the costs of running the SABC. If this law gets passed it won't be like it was with a TV licence. It'll no longer be the right thing to do, just the mandatory one. That's okay. It means that certain quality programming might just get re-commissioned.

Its official, South Africa has joined the first world. How you may ask? Well, it wasn't the Rainbow Nation or our return to democracy that did it. South Africa is no longer producing the VW Citi Golf, a vehicle traditionally only produced in third world countries. So to South America and China we'd like to say "Das auto ist weg."

This week's award for overstating the obvious goes to... Drum Roll please.... Judge Siraj Desai, the Chairperson of the Correctional Supervision and Parole Review Board. In a statement he conceded that Shabir Shaik's release on medical parole has damaged the credibility of the parole system. To this we'd like to say, thank you, Captain Obvious now go and arrest him.

And finally, Government is probing Julius Malema. Relax. They're looking into reports that when caught speeding in Limpopo province, Julius threw his political weight around to get out of a fine. It is alleged that on spotting the traffic roadblock, his driver used a blue police light to avoid being stopped, a light he had no authorisation to use. On being pulled over, it's alleged Julius gave the cops a hard time saying:

"Who do you think you are? Are you not aware that I am Julius, the president of the Youth League? I know that some of you hate me."

Now Julius, hate is a very strong word. And as head of the Youth League, you should know better. Now go to your room young man and think about what you've done.

This concludes this week's Opening Monologue. See you next week and remember, you haven't heard it all until you've heard the Last Say on Sunday.

Goodbye.

Posted by vittorio at 2:22 PM | Comments (0)

Stand-up Comedy @ The Elephant & Friends Pub

Monday the 9th of November 2009
The Elephant & Friends Pub

Winmore Shopping Centre, Cnr Deville Bois & Hesketh
Road, Moreleta Park, Pretoria, South Africa

Line-up: Nicky Van (MC), Vittorio Leonardi and Kedibone Mulaudzi.

Show Starts: 20:00
Entrance Fee: FREE!!!

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 12, 2009

Stand-up Comedy @ News Cafe, Faerie Glen

Thursday the 12th of November, 2009
News Cafe

The Glen Village North Centre
Corner Hans Strijdom & Olympus Roads, Faerie Glen, Pretoria East

Bookings: (012) 991-1110

URL:
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=news+cafe+faerie+glen&init=quick#/group.php?gid=20182556654&v=wall&ref=search
My Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Vittorio Leonardi (MC), Trevor Gumbi and Chris Forrest.

Show Starts: 20:00
Entrance Fee: FREE! (REMEMBER TO BOOK!!!)

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2009

Stand-up Comedy @ Champions

Sunday the 15th of November 2009
Champions

Silver Oaks Shopping Centre
Corner of Von Backstroom Boulevard and Hans Strydom Drive, Silverlakes

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Nicky Van (MC), Vittorio Leonardi and Tony King.

Show Starts: 19:30
Entrance Fee: R30

Posted by vittorio at 7:30 PM | Comments (0)

November 16, 2009

The Opening Monologue - 16/11/2009

The Opening Monologue - Friday the 13th of November 2009
Written by Vittorio Leonardi.
Edited by The Last Say On Sunday Writing Team.

Good evening.

Stories from far and wide have graced our week and have ranged from the serious to the whiny and complaining. So let's start there.

On Monday, asylum-seeking Brandon Huntley had his lawyers making a big stink after it was made clear that Huntley's asylum case would be reviewed. His lawyers stated the review was "based on misguided politically correct notions." These notions are not to be confused with the evidence originally presented by Brandon Huntley in his asylum appeal which can be likened to the works of Bram Stoker and Raymond E. Feist for its sheer fictitious content.


Civilians are unavoidable collateral damage when the police face off with criminals. This was the summation of a statement made by Deputy Police Minister Fikile Mbalula on Thursday. This was followed by a statement by Jenny Irish-Quobosheane, the public's representative in the police department in Cape Town on Friday. She stated that the current trend of civilian shootings by the police has been happening for at least three years and not just recently as had been reported in "sensationalist" media reports.

So just so that we're all clear on this. Media sensationalism is the enemy here and we should all get used to the occasional perforation of a bystander by police-issued live ammunition.

One has to wonder, if the current trend continues, how long it will be before a hijacking victim screams "Please don't shoot me!" And the hijacker responds, "Do I look like the police?"


It pays to be a security guard in Pietermaritzburg and it pays quite well. Security officials in the local municipality have been claiming overtime like someone is going to take it away from them. In one case a claim of R94000 in overtime was paid. This has led to IFP officials asking whether or not the security operatives are even necessary.
Their argument: If there is a security threat, it wouldn't come not from opposition parties but from people within the party. I guess it pays to know who's unstable in your group.


"The (broadcasting) bill is a discussion document. It is (in) its formative stages. Those who do not agree with some of the issues... can come forward and raise those issues".

And they have. Opposition parties have raised their voices about the proposed new Broadcasting Bill. They feel it will give government too much control over what the public broadcaster allows on air. Communications Minister Siphiwe Nyanda defended the bill by saying that Government was criticised for not intervening when the SABC was in dire straits and is now being criticised again for trying to steer the beleaguered broadcaster. Gentlemen, he's got a point, you can't have it both ways. Unless you're in final mix yourself, you can't have your broadcaster and air it too.


Learners on Thursday stormed Langa High School disrupting a Matric English Exam and destroying exam papers. This was not because they didn't like the essay question. The learners - members of the Congress of South African Students (COSAS) - were up in arms over the possible closure of the Lagunya Finishing School. Clearly, finishing their Matric year isn't high on the agenda either. I'm gonna get me some edumacation, ahyuk!!


What rhymes with drunken racial slurs? Judge Nkola Motata! After he was found guilty of drunk driving, he was sentenced to a fine of R20000 or 1 year in jail. He lost his appeal and now a translation of an audio recording proving that he made racial slurs after crashing his car has surfaced. His comments included:

"All of you, let me tell you, my brothers and sisters - these people should not catch us. Let us live, we are the majority and this is our land.

"It is not the land of the boers, even if they have big bodies. South Africa is ours, we rule it."

The incoherency continued with:

"I am caught by these boers, I do not care for them. I do not want to talk to them... They must not think they have caught me with something, that will not happen."

I guess that proves the old saying: "Stupid is as stupid slurs."


Staying with traffic laws for a moment, Pretoria may soon have a 30km/h to 40km/h speed limit in certain areas to ease traffic flow in the city. The areas affected would include schools, tertiary institutions, taxi ranks, Loftus Versfeld and densely populated residential areas. An existing project is already in place on Sibelius Street in Lukasrand and will be used as an initial case study and trial run. However the trial run or gentle jog turns out, the powers that be must remember that for most drivers across South Africa, the speed limit is seen as more of a speed suggestion.


Onto corruption now and it seems the warders are learning for the criminals as taxpayers fork out R1 million per month for suspended correctional services officials. Some have been suspended for over 2 years where the legal limit is 90 days. At last count 117 freeloaders were awaiting proceedings. And they say crime doesn't pay. Apparently it pays monthly.


"The business community has lost its sense of ethics."

Well someone had to say it. This was the statement made by Deputy Finance Minister Nhlanhla Nene at Tuesday night's Cape Times/KPMG Business Personality of The Year 2009 Awards in Cape Town. His speech touched on anti-competitive behaviour, price fixing and collusion in big business. In his summing up he asked business to have a conscience. The rest of his speech was drowned out by all the laughter.

And finally, there is to be no extension to the tax deadline SARS announced on Wednesday. If you don't have your filing done by the 20th of November,

They're coming to take you away Ha Ha
They're coming to take you away ho ho he he ha ha
to the prison cell where life is hazardous all the time, and you'll be saddened to see those nice young men in their clean blue caps
and they're coming to take you away ha haaaa!

This concludes this week's edition of The Opening Monologue. See you all next week and remember you haven't heard it all until you've heard the Last Say On Sunday.

Goodbye.

Original song lyrics from "They're Coming To Take Me Away" by LARD.

Posted by vittorio at 2:25 PM | Comments (0)

November 18, 2009

Open Mic and Starship Improvise @ Parker's Comedy & Jive

Wednesday the 18th of November 2009
Parker's Comedy & Jive
Shop 24 (Entrance 1)
Montecasino, Montecasino Boulevard, (Cnr William Nicol and Witkoppen Roads), Fourways, Sandton, Gauteng, South Africa

1st Half:
Think you've got it? Come on down to Parker's if you reckon you can do the business on the stage at Parker's. Five minutes might be all it takes to make you a STAR!! Closing the first half, all the way from the UK, Markus Birdman!

And then in the second half:
The Starship Improvise docks at Parker's to bring you your weekly dose of improvised comedy, made up entirely on the spot with your suggestions.

URL: http://www.parkerscomedy.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=140:september-comedy-line-up&catid=35:stand-up-comedy&Itemid=59
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Vittorio Leonardi (MC), Open Mic and UK Comedian Markus Birdman.
2nd Half: Starship Improvise with Monique Nortje, Warren Robertson and Vittorio Leonardi.

Show Starts: 20:30
Entrance Fee: R60

Posted by vittorio at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

November 19, 2009

Stand-up Comedy @ News Cafe, Faerie Glen

Thursday the 19th of November 2009
News Cafe
The Glen Village North Centre
Corner Hans Strijdom & Olympus Roads, Faerie Glen, Pretoria East

Bookings: (012) 991-1110

URL:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=news+cafe+faerie+glen&init=quick#/group.php?gid=20182556654&v=wall&ref=search
My Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Al Prodgers (MC), Kedibone Mulaudzi and Roni Modimola.

Show Starts: 20:00
Entrance Fee: FREE! (REMEMBER TO BOOK!!!)

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2009

The Opening Monologue - 23/11/2009

The Opening Monologue - Monday the 23th of November 2009
Written by Vittorio Leonardi.

Good evening.

It's been said that music can soothe the savage beast and nowhere was that more evident than when South Africa played France last week. The crowd was treated to a remix of our National Anthem by a supposed South African. As usual, the incident was nobody's fault with the singer, Ras Dumisani, blaming his poor performance on the sound equipment, the French said he'd sounded fine in rehearsal and the South African Embassy said he was just a name on a list they'd given to the French.

To sum up, Singer Ras Dumisani's rendition of "Die Stem" was... different. Footage of the Bokke during the performance shows Morne Steyn and Brian Habana trying to suppress their laughter as the singer warbled through. Dumisani's performance made it obvious to all within earshot that he didn't know the words to what he was supposed to be singing. Either that or he was trying to yodel the anthem while passing a kidney stone.

Donovan Moodley has started his appeal process this week. He is hoping to gain leniency on his life sentence. Among his many pearls of insight, Moodley has blamed the media for blowing the case out of all proportion and therefore making it impossible for him to receive unbiased judgement. It was also the reason he couldn't release Leigh Matthews unharmed. This is despite the fact that her family delivered on the requested R50 000 ransom demand. That's right, it's the media's fault that a kidnapping, extortion-using, greedy murderer could neither spare a life nor receive clemency. What next? Was your sound equipment faulty too, Mr. Moodley?


The dynamic duo - Police Commissioner Nathi Mthethwa and his Deputy Fikile Mbalula - were in fine form on Wednesday. Firstly, the police commissioner dispelled rumours that the two were at odds with each other by saying:

"Bee-bop Mbalula
He's my deputy!
Bee-bop Mbalula
There's no discrepancy!
Yeah!!"

He then went on to defend the purchase of a R150 million jet saying it was necessary to fight crime. This left many wondering if the police were now employing the X-Men or The Fantastic Four since both groups have their own plane. Deputy Police Commissioner Mbalula also reiterated that it was inevitable that civilians would die in the crossfire of the war on crime. So the next time you hear the sirens of police cars, look up in the sky. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's our Deputy Police Commissioner! Now DUCK!!


There was a bit of excitement in the Jackie Selebi trial this week as an opportunistic lawyer tried to serve papers on a witness. He entered the courtroom and tried to serve a summons on Billy Rautenbach for tax evasion. Ironically, Mr. Rautenbach had been giving testimony about how he had tried, through Glen Agliotti, to get Jackie Selebi to keep the cops off his back for tax evasion. Lawyers' in the court were most annoyed with the intruder saying, "If you want to prosecute anyone, get in line! There's a queue!!"


Sticking with the courts, the Jurie Els/Robbie Klay case is drawing to a close and still everybody's talking angry and the judge can't tell whose fibbing. The State closed its case on Thursday leaving the judge to quiz Klay on several items in his case. These included the lack of physical evidence showing Klay's abuse and why it was that if it wasn't about the money, then why had Klay accepted R10000 from YOU/Huisgenoot for his story. I guess it'll come out in the end... So to speak.


There's too much sex, violence and bad language on TV. That was the opinion of President Zuma as he addressed a meeting of entertainers at Sandton Convention Centre on Tuesday. The president wanted to remind all the artists present that they had a social responsibility when producing any content. He also alluded that violence on TV could lead to violence in reality. Really? That's so eighties. He also cautioned against local content that misrepresented South Africans.

"Any misrepresentation of our culture for commercial gain is harmful and unacceptable."

That's very true. And as an example, I present a certain rendition of our National Anthem by a certain questionable artist.


The Department of Correctional Services is scrapping overtime in a move that will save the department an annual R1.2 billion. In light of this, prisoners are advised that should they need to riot, office hours are between 8am to 4pm, Monday through Friday. Make an appointment and please be prompt.


Our country's mortality rate has been released and there is much confusion as to how many people have died in the past year. The figure stands at between 600 000 and 750 000 deaths in 2008, depending on who you ask, which some analysts say it makes South Africa look as though an AIDS bomb has gone off. When asked about the figures Dr Debbie Bradshaw, head of the Medical Research Council (MRC), said dyslexia must have caused someone to transpose the numbers. Department of Home Affairs spokeswoman Siobhan McCarthy blamed some of the discrepancy on the late registration of deaths that should have fallen under the 2007 statistics. That's the trouble with the dead; they're lousy at keeping appointments.


And finally, the beach can be a dangerous place with blue bottles, broken bottles and... artillery shells. So far, seven artillery shells have washed up on Durban's beach. Apparently the source of these incendiary explosives is a 60 year old World War 2 munitions dump off our coast. Changing ocean currents have caused the deadly flotsam to end up on our shores. So this summer, wear sunscreen, play nice and mind your step. Or your song of the summer may just be Ta-Ra-Ra Boom-De-Ay!


This concludes this week's edition of The Opening Monologue. See you next week and remember, you haven't heard it all till you've heard The Last Say On Sunday.

Goodbye.

Posted by vittorio at 12:20 AM | Comments (0)

November 25, 2009

Open Mic and Starship Improvise @ Parker's Comedy & Jive

Wednesday the 25th of November 2009
Parker's Comedy & Jive
Shop 24 (Entrance 1)
Montecasino, Montecasino Boulevard, (Cnr William Nicol and Witkoppen Roads), Fourways, Sandton, Gauteng, South Africa

1st Half:
Think you've got it? Come on down to Parker's if you reckon you can do the business on the stage at Parker's. Five minutes might be all it takes to make you a STAR!! Closing the first half, all the way from the UK, Markus Birdman!

And then in the second half:
The Starship Improvise docks at Parker's to bring you your weekly dose of improvised comedy, made up entirely on the spot with your suggestions.

URL: http://www.parkerscomedy.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=140:september-comedy-line-up&catid=35:stand-up-comedy&Itemid=59
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Vittorio Leonardi (MC), Open Mic and UK Comedian Markus Birdman.
2nd Half: Starship Improvise with Hannes Brummer, Ryan Whittal, Juliette Jenner and Vittorio Leonardi.

Show Starts: 20:30
Entrance Fee: R60

Posted by vittorio at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

November 26, 2009

Stand-up Comedy @ News Cafe, Faerie Glen

Thursday the 26th of November 2009
News Cafe
The Glen Village North Centre
Corner Hans Strijdom & Olympus Roads, Faerie Glen, Pretoria East

Bookings: (012) 991-1110

URL:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=news+cafe+faerie+glen&init=quick#/group.php?gid=20182556654&v=wall&ref=search
My Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=91633385882

Line-up: Vittorio Leonardi (MC), Malcolm Ferreira A.K.A. Jan, Player 23 and Tshepo Mogale.

Show Starts: 20:00
Entrance Fee: FREE! (REMEMBER TO BOOK!!!)

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 30, 2009

The Opening Monologue - 30/11/2009

The Opening Monologue - Monday the 30th of November 2009
Written by Vittorio Leonardi.

Good evening.
This week was another belter with some truly special people oozing many a wondrous and addle-brained remark from their hobbled psyches. To start, Wednesday saw Government announce that former Justice Director-General Menzi Simelane will take over as the National Director of Public Prosecutions. This was met with a veritable tsunami of protest from opposition parties and some members of government.
Put simply, the man's been called and accused of everything from a lying to the Ginwala Commission to being "an ANC yes-man." His election has been called shocking and unlawful. So it should come as no surprise that senior advocate, Pat Ellis has submitted an official complaint with the Bar Council. If found guilty Simelane will no longer be able to be our new NDPP.
The Ginwala Commission found that it was most likely that Simelane had interfered with the investigation into former Police Commissioner Jackie Selebi. But President Jacob Zuma's spokesperson, Vusi Mona, said Ginwala's findings were not relevant to Simelane's appointment.

Possibly interfering in an investigation is not relevant?

Of course yes. And an inadequate number of lifeboats were simply a minor inconvenience aboard the Titanic.


Christmas signals a time of peace and goodwill; where it is better to give than to receive. It might explain why the courts granted three bribe-seeking cops - one in Middleburg, the other two in Limpopo - bail this week. The Limpopo Duo tried to solicit a R5000 bribe from a motorist that was driving without a license. When the driver didn't have the money, they escorted him to an ATM to withdraw the cash. How helpful of them. I guess for some it is better to receive than to give.


A Welkom woman that found out her son was planning to have her killed has dropped the charges against him. She said she realised that she had played a large role in what had happened and just wants her son back. Some people might view this as a move that could be described as Mistake Number 1. But consider the following: A troubled youth with a parent that is taking responsibility for how their actions affect their child? Take a picture folks. You may never see it again. These days, that's about as likely as a self-confident female lead in a teen vampire movie.


Bruce Fordyce is in a pickle after he allegedly referred to a woman as being a coconut. The incident took place in April at a party where Fordyce and Roberta McBride - a cousin of the infamous Robert McBride - got into a heated debate about the contribution of the late Helen Suzman to the apartheid struggle. Fordyce stating that it was a great contribution, McBride, not so much. Later that night Fordyce asked whom she would be voting for in the elections. McBride responded the ANC since they support BEE and Affirmative Action. Fordyce allegedly responded that she doesn't need affirmative action since she's a coconut. And this why drinking and Dycing don't mix. Bruce, remember, you can run the comrades but not your mouth.


923 government officials have been arrested for housing fraud. A new record! HA!! In your face Somalia! Most corrupt country in the world indeed. How's your housing corruption going?
Staying with housing, Thursday saw a happy ending to a tragic story. The family of Sikhumbuzo Mhlongo, who committed suicide after being refused an identity document, were given a new house by various representatives of government. And then on Friday, Home Affairs stated that the incident that caused the suicide - the tearing up of his application form by home affairs officials - never happened. But if there was no wrongdoing, why give them a house? Class, can you say Golden Handshake?


Vuyo Mbuli, presenter for SABC 2's Morning Live, should be relieved after assault charges against him were dropped. But he isn't. His family is still upset. The charge stems from an incident where Pat Legwabe discovered Mbuli at a house of his friend - Thabisa Nyamakazi - at 23:00 Monday night. Allegedly she was only wearing underwear and a nightie and Mbuli was buttoning up his shirt at the time. After an altercation, Mbuli threw a vase at Legwabe, injuring his leg and resulting in the assault charge. Mbuli has denied all charges adding he'll only be happy after his family has made it through this difficult time.

"I should've just gone home," said Mbuli.

"This is going to be a part of my life for a long time, but if you've done something wrong, you must bear the consequences. My focus is on my family now, because things are not okay at home yet."

Yet?

Don't lose that confidence Mr.Mbuli.


And finally, Donovan Moodley gets a special mention. This past Wednesday saw his appeal to his life sentence overturned, smashed into a tree and burst into flames. The judge saw no merit to any of Moodley's claims that he was sentenced too harshly and that the media was to blame for Leigh Matthews' death.

Regarding his quest for vindication, Moodley said:

"I want to make this clear, I will stop at nothing, leaving no legal means untried," he said in a hand-written statement given to journalists. He also referred to himself as a "media favourite."

Really?

A media favourite? The same media that "forced you" to kill Leigh Matthews?

The way things are going in this case, don't be surprised when the next time you look up the word "delusional" you find a picture of Donovan Moodley.


This concludes this week's edition of The Opening Monologue. See you next week and remember, you haven't heard it all till you've heard The Last Say On Sunday.

Goodbye.

Posted by vittorio at 12:00 AM | Comments (0)