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June 1, 2005

Standup Comedy, Charellis, Benoni

Standup comedy at Charellis, Benoni.
Reiner Street, Atlasville, Benoni.
Your comics: Judy Jakes, Vittorio Leonardi, Darren "Whackhead" Simpson, with MC Rabin Harduth.
R30 cover charge.
Wednesday 20h30.

Posted by vittorio at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 2, 2005

Humane Guilt

I’ve always had a problem with the Para Olympics. I don’t have a problem with the event itself though. Competing against your fellow man is one of the most human traits there are. We all want to compete, and we all want to win. I think it’s a good idea and it’s certainly better than showing you’re the best through warfare and cruise missiles. My problem is the whole idea of taking everyone with a handicap, training them to be the best at something, and then marginalising them even further by putting them in a competition where they can compete, but only against other handicapped people.

What a great idea that is, don’t you think? Lets say you’re in a wheelchair for whatever reason. You’ve been treated differently your whole life. And then one day you discover you have a knack for the javelin and not just a knack for it, you’re damn good at it. So you train, hard and long and then one day the news arrives that you’ve been selected for the South African Para Olympic Team. I wonder if any of them have thought, if only for a moment, “I’m this good in my field, but they still won’t let me play with the others. When do I get to play with the others?” you may think I’m taking the piss here but I’m not. I’m serious about this. The point I’m making is this. We’ve marginalised handicapped people for so long. Why then make a sporting event that marginalises them even further by letting them compete in open competition, but only against other handicapped people. We’re basically saying, “You’re good, damn good, but still not good enough to compete against the normal people.” And in the end, I’m pretty sure this was initially done with the best intentions, but now I think we do it to make ourselves feel better. We do this so we can say, “well at least they have something.” Some might say that it would be unfair to place handicapped people up against so called normal people. That to do this would be cruel. Maybe so, but answer me this: Has it ever been attempted? Has there ever been a fully unrestricted, totally mixed Olympics where absolutely everyone was allowed to compete, regardless of their physical or mental handicaps? Till that happens, even if it just happens once, that question can never be answered.

I believe in fair play for all. I believe that we’re all entitled to some form of acceptance and tolerance. I know it doesn’t happen. And for whatever reason, we seem to be continuing on this merry way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if we’re going to have fair play, it should be for everyone, everywhere, at all times. Almost five years of the new millennium have passed us by. It’s time we start acting like grown-ups. I didn’t write this to offend anyone. I woke up this morning, and this was what I thought about. I hope it let you think about something, even if it’s that you need to get some food. I don’t know how you’re mind works. But I do know I need a snack. Have a good one y’all. Smile more, it helps. Till next time. Peace.

Posted by vittorio at 3:00 AM | Comments (0)

Stand-up Comedy, DacQs @ Boston Tea Party, Menlyn

Stand-up comedy at DacQs @ Boston Tea Party, Menlyn, Pretoria.
Thursday 20:00.
Cover charge R20 included in your bill.
Call +27 12 365 3625.

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

June 3, 2005

Cellphones and Movie Idiots

Am I alone in the world when it comes to cell phones and the irritation factor involved? It seems to me that not only do every retard and their cousins have one by now, but also these tossers all insist on having the funkiest ring tone. I recently read an article that in Britain, cell phones had been banned in certain areas. One of them was a public park because the bird population was being affected. It seems that the birds were mimicking the ring tones and so, without their own traditional mating calls were not reproducing, and dying out.

And everyone is always so keen to play his or her tone to you too. They say, “ listen. Doesn’t that sound just like the real song?” No, moron! It doesn’t sound in any way, shape or form like the original. It sounds like the music from a 1980s arcade game. I can remember being in an old arcade, slamming twenty-cent coins into Rygar, Mortal Kombat and Mad Dog Mcree. In all that time I never once thought the music on those games should be symphonic classics to be played at high volume in a movie house. And what annoys me the most is that these yo-yos always take a good thirty seconds to realise it’s their phone ringing.

How is that possible? Surely if you spent all that time choosing this great tune, then it would be dead easy to realise it’s yours and think, “wait. Is it possible that that could be my whiny phoning chiming its rank melody? Perhaps I should answer it or perhaps turn the thing off out of respect for the other cinemagoers. Maybe I should do this now before someone drops a cinder block on my head as retribution for poisoning the planet’s atmosphere with this heinous din.”

Then, upon realising that it’s their phoning farting out a greatest hit, they answer it! They answer it! And then they proceed to have a conversation. They seem to think that by slumping into their chair and speaking in their lowest voice they can become invisible and no one will know who they are in the DEAD QUIET CINEMA!!! I think a law should be passed allowing us to legally execute these class act jack offs in the cinema and save the world for future generations. These monkey people should not be allowed to poison the gene pool any further by breeding.

Well, that’s about enough bile dispensed for one day. Have a good one and remember, shoot a cell phone maggot for me! Peace.

Posted by vittorio at 3:00 AM | Comments (0)

June 4, 2005

Improv Comedy, Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Improvised comedy with the Improv Express.
Supersport Bar, Carnival City, Brakpan.
R10 Cover charge. Limited unreserved seating.
Saturday 21:30.

Posted by vittorio at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2005

Improv Comedy, Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Improvised comedy with the Improv Express.
Supersport Bar, Carnival City, Brakpan.
R10 Cover charge. Limited unreserved seating.
Saturday 21:30.

Posted by vittorio at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 18, 2005

Improv Comedy, Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Improvised comedy with the Improv Express.
Supersport Bar, Carnival City, Brakpan.
R10 Cover charge. Limited unreserved seating.
Saturday 21:30.

Posted by vittorio at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 23, 2005

Stand-up Comedy, Tanz Cafe, River Road, Bryanston

Stand-up comedy at Tanz Cafe, River Road, Bryanston.
Thursday 20:30.

Posted by vittorio at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)