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April 6, 2005

Stand-up Comedy, Coco Bongo

Stand-up comedy at Coco Bongo, Montecasino, Fourways.
Wednesday 20:30. R50 cover charge. Bookings essential.
Call +27 11 511 1827.

Posted by vittorio at 8:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 7, 2005

Stand-up Comedy, Boston Tea Party, Menlyn

Stand-up comedy at Boston Tea Party, Menlyn, Pretoria.
Thursday 20:00.
Call +27 12 365 3625.

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 9, 2005

Improv Comedy, Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Improvised comedy with the Improv Express.
Your players: Al Prodgers, Matthew Stewardson, Vittorio Leonardi, Juliette Jenner & Stacey Sacks.
Supersport Bar, Carnival City, Brakpan.
R10 Cover charge. Limited unreserved seating.
Saturday 21:30.

Posted by vittorio at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 10, 2005

Stand-up Comedy, Just Gillys

Stand-up comedy at Just Gillys, Douglasdale, Fourways.
Cnr. Leslie & Douglas Rd. Douglasdale.
Your comics: Al Prodgers, Vittorio Leonardi, Kedibone & Martin Jonas
Sunday 20:00. R50 cover charge.
Call +27 11 462 0276.

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 16, 2005

Improv Comedy, Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Improvised comedy with the Improv Express.
Your players: Darren Maule, Al Prodgers, Stacey Sacks & Vittorio Leonardi.
Supersport Bar, Carnival City, Brakpan.
R10 Cover charge. Limited unreserved seating.
Saturday 21:30.

Posted by vittorio at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 18, 2005

Catch-Phrase Hell

Well, here it is. I finally got off my posterior and wrote what I hope will be a long list of rants, thoughts and observations. If you don’t like what I say, that’s fine. Yes, you read right. You are entitled to your opinion. Even if it’s silly. Having said that, let the story begin.

I visit my folks for the weekend every three or four weeks, something I enjoy doing for many reasons including free food, no cooking, no cleaning and watching DStv. I’m watching a late night movie called Bones, starring Snoop Dogg. In the movie, he plays the role of a resurrected gangster seeking revenge against those who killed him 22 years earlier. Now, I thought the movie was average. My critique is not of the film. It’s of the trap that I see Snoop Dogg falling into. I speak of the “Catch Phrase” trap.

The script has him saying a catch phrase every time he frags a victim. Usually he says, “Dog eat dog, brother!” Is that necessary? I went to see Racing Stripes, in which Snoop lends his voice to a dog. As if that’s not enough, in the film he says the line, “If that's a race horse, then I'm D-O double-G, baby.” He’s already playing a dog. We’re not blind. Does the movie have to point it out to us? Why Snoop, why?! And he’s not the first that Hollywood has done this to.

I remember, before Arnold Schwarzenegger became the governor of California, he was an action star. And at the height of his fame in the eighties and early nineties, he too was in catch phrase hell. I remember watching Terminator, Terminator 2, Commando and Predator waiting for the all-powerful catch phrase. I of course speak of… I’LL BE BACK! The greatest line in action movie history! No one can top that line. Not in any way, shape or form. If you were a villain and you heard those words, you knew your ass was grass. It’s so well known that if asked to do an impression of Arnie, the first words out of most people’s mouths are, “I’LL BE BACK!”

But Arnie eventually turfed this line when it became a cliché. It was doing more damage than good. A crucial hint that you should stop doing something is when it ends up in a joke. The joke I’m talking about is when Chuck Norris, Stallone and Arnie decide to do an action film starring the world’s great composers. They decide Chuck will be Mozart and Stallone will play Flizt. They ask Arnie whom he wants to play. He says “I’LL BE BACH!” Point proven. Now it seems its Snoops turn to have a catchy line. (That sounds very suspect.) Somebody needs to say this. Somebody needs to take Snoop aside and say, “look, we all get it, ok? Your name is Snoop Dogg. You don’t need to point it out any further. You can relax. Because if you keep doing it, pretty soon people are gonna just "DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT!”

Have a good one. I’ll see you at the gigs.

Posted by vittorio at 10:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 21, 2005

Stand-up Comedy, Morula Sun

Stand-up comedy at Morula Sun, Pretoria.
Your comics: Darren Maule, Russ Modimola, Vittorio Leonardi, Martin Jonas.
Thursday 20:00.
Call +27 12 799 0000.

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 23, 2005

Improv Comedy, Supersport Bar, Carnival City

Improvised comedy with the Improv Express.
Your players: Darren Maule, Vittorio Leonardi, Juliette Jenner & Al Prodgers.
Supersport Bar, Carnival City, Brakpan.
R10 Cover charge. Limited unreserved seating.
Saturday 21:30.

Posted by vittorio at 9:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2005

Stand-up Comedy, Cool Runnings, Mellville

Stand-up comedy at Cool Runnings, Melville.
Sunday 20:00. R30 cover charge.
Call +27 11 326 0021.

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 PM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2005

Happy Homeboys and Fashion Accidents

I don’t consider myself to be a fashion guru. When you’re my size you tend to shop with the mindset of “does it fit? Will I sweat in it?” Whatever the House of Versace is doing doesn’t really bother me. However I have noticed the steady increase of the homeboy phenomenon.

Most of you would have seen it by now. I’m talking about the people that have their underwear hanging out and have the crotch of their pants somewhere close to their knees. This look is, apparently, what is hip and trendy among young people now. The only advantage I’ve found in it is that clothing stores seem to stock my size now. Fashion does horrific things to the world. If you want proof of that, just look at seventies and eighties fashions to see just how badly we can lose the plot. The eighties alone did terrible things to hair, clothing and guitars. Any time you’re wearing clothing with colours bright enough to be seen from space, it’s time to just say NO!

I remember a friend, who is an eighties child, telling me about going to a party in his pyjamas… on purpose! He wasn’t five years old, it wasn’t a sleep over and it wasn’t somebody’s birthday party either. It also was not at Michael Jackson’s house. (I couldn’t resist!) No people no! This is very wrong. Think of it this way: the next time you’re getting ready to go out, look in the mirror. If, for one iota of a nanosecond you think, “I look like a dick in this” take off the outfit and choose something else! Your instinct knows best. Another simple hint is when your ensemble causes a fifteen-car collision on a major road. You’re either wearing way too little, a piece of your anatomy is hanging out or the reflection of light off your outfit is blinding people. It’s just a thought. Use it. Don’t use it. It’s your call but think of the lives you’ll save in traffic alone.

Having said all this, I’d like to leave you with a simple test on how to determine whether or not you are a homeboy. I didn’t make any of these up. These are based on my observations while walking through a malls and other such social places. I’ll start with those I’ve already mentioned.

You might be a homeboy…

1. If the crotch of your pants is between your knees.
2. If your underwear hangs out of your pants… and you’re fine with it.
3. If you wear a skullcap, scarf, head sock, bandana and a cap ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
4. If have an inability to wear a cap facing forwards.
5. If your pants are so baggy you could use them to smuggle refugees.
6. If you’ve ever been in, caused or started a fight because someone stepped on somebody’s Pumas, Converse All-stars or Timberlands.
7. If you think FUBU is high fashion.
8. If you’ve ever said that you’re “all that and a bag of chips.”
9. If it ain’t no thang but a chicken wing. (I don’t know what it means either.)
10. If someone says “for shizzle my nizzle.” And you understand what that means immediately.
11. If you’ve bought yourself jewellery and called it bling, bling.
12. If you wear so much bling, you set off metal detectors.
13. If you’re a guy and you wear more bling than your ho. (Ho, translation - girlfriend)
14. If you call your mode of transportation, your ride, lowrider, pussywagon or hoopty.
15. If you call your girlfriend a ho and it’s a term of endearment.
16. If you call someone a ho and its not in reference to gardening equipment.
17. If your male friends are your dogs and your female friends your bitches.
18. If you’ve called someone your homey and neither of you are gay.
19. If you refer to yourself as an O.G. or a Macdaddy and you’re not ordering burgers.
20. If you’ve ever been kickin’ it old school, hangin’ with the bitches, downin’ a forty or sippin’ on juice n’ gin. (I still don’t know what it means either.)
21. If you attend schools or go to parties with metal detectors and armed response units in attendance.
22. If you like M n’ M’s. The rap star, not the candy.
23. If a party is off the hook.
24. If you can’t hold a handgun properly.
25. If you’re down with it and you’re not referring to a syndrome or disease.
26. If you walk down the street and people ask you what’s wrong with your leg.
27. If your car has hydraulics and its not a fork lift.
28. If you’ve ever used your criminal record to get into rap music.
29. If you’ve ever poured alcohol on the ground to pay your respects to “your dead homeys.”
30. If you need to constantly hold your crotch. (In case it falls off, I suppose.)
And finally…
31. If you’ve ever had to stay strapped, carry a gat or pack some heat because you had to flee 5 0 after a payback 187 (What?!) you might just be a homeboy.

That’s it for another thought. If you have any additions or suggestions, please email me and I’ll look them over. Be well. Peace.

Posted by vittorio at 8:00 AM | Comments (0)